Love my wife and children in a way that they understand

Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love
Ephesians 5:1-2a

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her
Ephesians 5:25

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4


One night traveling for work, I was listening to a sermon on the radio. I don’t remember the Pastor who was talking that night, but the message was about his goals for his life. The goal that caught my attention was “Love my wife and children in a way that they understand.” The preacher stressed that what a man considers to be showing love might be entirely different from what a child or a wife expects for love.

So, a man may think that he is showing love to his wife by providing for her and bringing her gifts but he may not be showing the love she desires. Each woman’s idea of love is different and there are multiple books on the subject (e.g. The Five Love Languages). The preacher related how he always strives to understand his wife and show affection that is meaningful to her. I’ve found a main component of showing love is spending time with your wife. The same could be said of your children. The saying goes, “Children spell love T.I.M.E.”

What is love? To discover the meaning of love, let’s use our source of Truth, the Bible. Love is used in reference to children in Proverbs 13:24, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” The Hebrew word for “love” in this verse is “ahab.” Ahab conveys intense unconditional tender affection between parents and children, husbands and wives. In this verse, God instructs us to discipline or correct or admonish children when they do wrong. If a parent does not teach their children the correct way to go, they do not love their children. Ephesians 6:4 further instructs us on how to teach our children, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” For children, it takes “time” to train them up in the Lord. To love children in a way they understand, you must spend time with them, answer their questions, teach them about right and wrong, and mentor them through play.

The Greek word that is translated the same way as the Hebrew word, “ahab,” is “agape.” The Greek word, agape, is used in Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Jesus sacrificed Himself for us on the cross showing His intense unconditional tender affection toward us. We husbands must sacrifice our interests and jobs and make sure to spend time with our wives. We must make sure we listen to both our children and our wives. We must at all times be there for them. A man will be defined by his family - how he leads, loves, and sacrifices for them. My vision statement for myself concludes “Love my wife and children in a way that they understand.”